The air is chill, tensions are high, families are divided, and some friendships are being broken...yep, it is that fun-filled time of year again, election season. For the first time in my life I have jumped headfirst into politics by joining the league of canvassers that interrupt your dinner, wake your children, and rile up your dog while your watching the evening news. I took this job because I think our country is in trouble and after abandoning it for the past four years I figure I owe this land of mine a hand; however, I did not anticipate the fountain of humor, and entertainment that has sprung up from the Americans I meet every night. These people are amazing! They come out with some of the craziest, most honest statements ever to leave a person's lips, and I am going to give you guys a first hand look at these marvelous remarks! So starting tonight I am taking the American voice from the asses, and the elephants and giving it to the horses...the people of this country, the voters...you and me. So if you need some comic relief from the debates, mud-slinging, and trash-talking be sure to tune in every night for 'From The Horse's Mouth: true tales from real American voters'. Here are just a few gems of genius to get you started:
Monday, Oct. 6
"I have been a Republican all my life. It is appalling that a black man could even run for president!" the crumpled old woman exclaimed from the recliner that seamed to be swallowing her up.
'So you plan to vote for McCain then?' I unenthusiastically replied.
"Goodness no! I'm going to vote for the white half of Obama." she stated as if it were a fact.
Tuesday, Oct. 7
'So who do you plan to vote for in this election?' I asked.
"Me." he confidently replied.
Wednesday, Oct. 8
"I am going to vote for God!" the woman barked at me from inside her smelly den of a house.
Thursday, Oct. 9
I compassionately inquired, 'What is keeping you from voting for Obama?'
"Well...I don't want him bringin' 'his people' over here." the toothless Wal-Mart employee replied.
Attempting to hide my shock I stammered, 'Um, whom do you mean by 'his people'...he was raised on the south side of Chicago.'